Lean In... by Sheryl Sandberg

Rating - 5/5

One line for the book: A must-read for everyone, especially women

About the book: Sheryl Sandberg explains why there are very few women in leadership, and what we can do to change it.

What I love about the book: The book catches the pulse of all women. There were many instances where I felt ‘OMG! I thought I was the only one’. By making women be aware of the common fears and concerns they have, the author confronts women to fight against them.

What I did not like about the book: The last chapter was slightly boring.

What I learned from the book: Plenty of things. I hope I put down all of them.

• It’s never too late to find the right partner. Do not jump into a marriage because of peer pressure. Take your time to find the Mr.Right who meets all your expectations. “By that time, all the good ones will be taken” is a myth.
• Never shy away to express your queries or concerns even if you are not asked to. Make a place for yourself in the corporate world.
• Make your partner a true partner. Share your household work equally, or at least as much as is comfortable for you. What you practice in the initial days of your marriage becomes the norm. So, the sooner you set up the ‘who does what’ schedule, the better.
• When men are successful in their career, they are appreciated. When women are successful in their career, they are perceived as aggressive, not concerned about family, and so on. Women are expected to be nice.
• The myth of doing it all – This one struck me the hardest. Every woman wants to become a super woman. By realizing that it’s impossible, by letting go of the less important things, women can learn to appreciate themselves for the real hard work that they are doing. The problem is, we always focus on what we haven’t achieved that we forget to appreciate ourselves for what we have achieved. 

The One You Cannot Have... by Preeti Shenoy

Rating – 4/5

One line for the book: One more wonderful book with a strong message

The story: It is about how Aman and Shruthi, who were once in a thick relationship, battle through separation - how they try to forget each other and move on.  

What I loved about the book: The flow

What I did not like about the book:  Do men really feel that way when they see an attractive woman? I feel there’s a bit of exaggeration in portraying men’s feelings.

What I learned from the book: Never force anybody to plan for kids. I am going to stop asking newly-weds for “good news”. The book made me realize how a couple might be feeling when everybody talks only about kids and the couple is just not ready for it.

I have also realized that it’s impossible to forget the person who you love so much, no matter how much you force yourself to. Once they have made a place in your heart, they are going to stay there for a lifetime. Even the loveliest person on earth cannot replace the one you love. Well-meaning parents must understand this, and not mess up their child’s life.

Tea For Two And A Piece Of Cake, by Preeti Shenoy

Rating – 4/5

One line for the book: A true page-turner

The story: The story is about Nisha who, when abandoned by her husband of eight years, battles the emotional and financial glitches in her unexpected situation while raising her two little kids.  

What I love about the book: The flow, the way the bond between a mother and her kids has been portrayed.

What I did not like about the book:  Could do away with describing Nisha’s sex life.

What I learned from the book: After having kids, the life of a man/woman changes drastically, without even they realizing it. Unless the parents make an effort to spend more time with each other, unless they escape to their own world leaving everything and everyone away for a few minutes each day, the relationship between them is going to suffer.

The book made me wonder if I am doing justice to my partner. The first year of marriage was full of sweet memories. Gone are the days when we talked endlessly without having to look at the clock. Thanks to the book, I have learned to spend at least a few minutes with my beloved hubby every day. This small effort has paid off now. I feel closer to him than I did in the past three years.

My Dreamland!

For many years, I have been seeing this in my dreams. I guess I would see the same for the rest of my life. That's why I have put it down here in the form of a story with fictional characters:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarat entered the gated community of the Dreamland Township in his Scorpio along with his wife, Keethi.  After filling up his few details in the register at the security desk, he was asked to park his car in the parking lot a few yards away from the gate. It was a tall building with several floors that already had many cars parked inside.

‘Where is the community office?’ enquired Sarat.

‘It’s 2km from here. The next bus arrives in 10min. You can wait at the bus stop or hire bicycles from there’, said the security guard pointing at a cycle shop nearby.

‘Isn’t it possible to take our vehicle?’ asked Sarat, wondering why on earth they had to take a bus or a bicycle.

‘No motor vehicles allowed inside the community, sir. All the cars and bikes have to be parked at the gate itself’, clarified the guard who was used to explaining this to the surprised visitors.

The couple waited at the bus stop and boarded the bus that arrived after 10min. The greenery, the serenity, the neatness, and the tranquility of the place amazed them. After a 5min ride, they got down at the community office. After stating their purpose of visit to the security guard, they learned that there were other families who had come for the same – that was to hire a flat in the community.

All the 50+ visitors were led to a small room in the building. After 2min a lady in her late twenties, named Sandhya, entered the room, and introduced herself as the proprietor of the community.  She was clad in a cotton sari, and looked decent and well educated.

‘Hello everyone, I am glad to see you all here. I believe you loved the place, and that’s why planned to stay here. Before you decide, I want to introduce you to a few rules and regulations we are ought to follow here’, Sandhya addressed the gathering in an authoritative, yet polite, voice.

‘We have 400 houses in this township spread across a land of 5sq.km. Every house is identical with a carpet area of 1400sq.ft, and is surrounded by a garden of 100sq.ft. Only 50% of the township is covered with living area, 30% with greenery, and the rest is for allied activities. The houses are leased out for tenure of 5 years. The pamphlet that was provided to you during your previous visit contains all the facilities available here.  

We have:

·         A medical center to cater to emergency cases or common ailments

·         A few medical stores

·         A water treatment unit that recycles water for gardening purposes

·         A paper recycling unit

·         Rain water harvesting units

·         A reputed school that takes in pupils from play school till PUC

·         A huge library where you can sell your old books and rent new ones

·         A swimming pool, a sports center, and a gym

·         Children’s play areas

·         Commercial centers to provide groceries, clothes, footwear, stationery, and what not!

·         Community halls to arrange for parties/functions

However, we are very strict in terms of maintaining the sanctity of this place. To do so, we need a little support from the residents. We expect you to adhere to these norms during your stay:

·         Absolutely NO vehicles inside the campus. All motor vehicles are to be parked in the parking lot near the main gate. Buses are available every 15min to take you to any place inside the campus. You might also use bicycles.

·         No littering or spitting allowed in the campus. Security guards are posted everywhere, and if they catch you, you will be fined as much as 1000Rs.

·         No plastic bags. If found carrying one, you will be fined 1000Rs.

·         Water meters are fitted to each house to check your water consumption’

 

There were murmurs among the visitors when they heard about the strange rules. One of them protested, ‘this place has abundant water. And you said you have set up rain water harvesting. Then why do we have a water meter?’ The others were keen to know the same.

Sandhya replied, ‘You are right. This place has abundant water. But, can you imagine what would happen after 10 years? Do you know that most drought areas in India were filled with abundant water a few decades back? If only the people were more conscious about how they utilized water, if only the educated ones started rain water harvesting, the areas might be in a better position now.’

The visitors nodded approvingly. Sandhya continued, ‘the best time to save our natural resources was 20 years back. The next best time is now’.  

Everyone applauded. Sandhya was pleased with herself for conveying the message very clearly. How I wish I were her!

 

 

 

 

What got you here won't get you there... by Marshall Goldsmith

I wouldn't have even dreamt of buying this book. Just the look of it felt very boring. But I received this one as a token of gratitude from one of my peers for helping her in her work. Many thanks to my friend for recognizing me. So, I had to read it. But, believe me, once I started reading it, I couldn't close it off. It was way too interesting! really! Every night I longed to read the book (that's the only time I get to pick a book).

Marshall is a career coach to both individuals and organizations. He deals with people who are almost on the top laps of their corporate ladder, but something holds them from reaching the tip. These people are exceptionally great at their jobs, but because of a small annoying habit, the senior management is in a dielemma whether to put them in the most responsible position of their organization. That's when the senior management approaches Marshal to rectify that small issue with the candidate. Marshall then conducts a 360 degree feedback about the candidate, figures out what's wrong with him/her, convinces the person as to which part of him/her needs to be changed, chalks out an action plan, and then follows it up. Marshal conducts regular rounds of feedback to see how the candidate is progressing.

The book is about hundreds of Marshall's experiences. You can easily relate yourself to the simple mistakes that he points out. For instance, not listening, playing favorites, working too much, and so on. These are habits that most of us have, but are still not aware of them. And if somebody confronts us, we do not admit it.

This book is definitely an eye-opener for employees at all levels. Inspired by the book, I have also written a thank you note to one of my ex-managers who supported me in all possible ways. After you read the book, I would be happy to know how it has helped you.
 

The Secret Wish List by Preeti Shenoy

The story revolves around Diksha, who has an affair with Ankit at 16. Her parents soon find out about this and are utterly disappointed with her behavior. Naturally, like many other Indian parents, they send her away to her cousin’s place to continue her studies. Once she turns 19, they get her married to Sandeep. Although Diksha is reluctant, she obliges in order to placate her parents and win their love and affection. Sandeep turns out to be an extremely self-obsessed and self-centered guy, who thinks that the only role of a husband is merely to earn for the family. 18 years pass by, and he never shares any emotional relationship with Diksha or their son, Abhay.

18 years of toiling around the family leaves Diksha feeling worthless about herself. Her cousin, Vibha, who identifies the inadequacy in Diksha’s life, makes her write a wish list and then follow it. The rest of the story is how Diksha fiddles with her impossible husband, Sandeep, and her dream life. By the end of the book, Diksha is in a position to confront the hardest things in life, and move ahead. During the course of time, she rejoins her old friends and past relationships.

The book emphasizes on how important relationships are in a family. The book shows how inconsistencies in marriage can lead to chaos. Quite often, when a marriage breaks, it is not because of a huge disaster, but because of a thousand little things that are neglected.

Things that I like about the book:

·         Excellent narration skills. The pace at which you read the book tells you how interesting it is. Since it is written in present tense, it is much more readable and appealing.

·         Emphasis on relationships. The book shows you how lack of admiration towards your family members can break their hearts.

Things that I do not agree with:

I agree with the book that although what Diksha did is a huge mistake, she still deserves her parents’ love and affection. But, come to think of it, any Indian parent doesn’t accept their 16-year-old child kissing somebody. I cannot empathize with Diksha when she terms it as ‘just that one mistake’. She feels she has been treated as a criminal. Well, it is only natural for any parent to behave that way. Diksha should have had some sense before doing such a thing. However, her parents should have reconnected with her at least after some period of time.

When Diksha meets Ankit after a long time, she instantly goes to bed with him, without a second thought. Come on! She’s 35 when she meets him. Why couldn’t she be more sensible? What if he cheated on her? Such an affair should crop up only when she is determined to leave her husband forever and spend the rest of her life with her love. But she does this even before thinking of anything else. She could have waited until she confronted her husband.

Overall, I would recommend this book to people with very modern views. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I am not that broad-minded yet.

I wish I could be like...

I wish I could be like my Aunt - very bold, mentally strong, courageous and ambitious.

She is my Mom's sister, and right from my childhood she has been much like my Mom.

She worked in a local newspaper agency as an accountant in her twenties. After marriage, she had to leave her career to move in with her husband. After a few years, she began pursuing her career. She helped her husband in his work too. Though she had no kids, she always found joy in spending time with the younger generation - me, my sisters, and my cousins. We loved her quick wit and humor that we always felt she was of our age. She was quite modern in her thinking.

There was one day that changed her life forever. That was six years back. Her husband, then 45, was diagnosed with cancer, and that too, at a very latter stage. They consulted the most famous doctors in India. He (my Uncle) underwent many chemotherapy and radiation treatments. For five years they spent 80 pecent of the days in hospitals. They were physically, mentally, and financially drained out. She moved heaven and earth to save him, but one day, his struggle came to an end. Yes, he passed away a few months back, leaving her alone.

I could see how heart broken she was. However, her misery, her loneliness after the tragedy did not make her weak. I was amazed at how she put a bold face upfront. Within a couple of months after his death, she found a new job. She buried herself in her work so as to keep herself busy all the time. She is in her late forties now.

I wish I had the courage that she had to overcome her fate. Despite all her suffering, she sought our help only when it was very much needed. She tried to manage most of the things on her own. One would never figure out that there is such a tragedy behind such an ever-smiling and enthusiastic person. Talking to her every now and then, dropping by whenever possible is our own little way to show that we are all with her. 

-----------------------------------------------

Friends, this article is written as an answer to the prompt for 'Wish List Wednesday - Last One' posted by Preeti Shenoy, an author of some of the best-selling books in India.

I wish I could touch...

I wish I could touch the tip of the Taj Mahal!!

Yes, whenever I see the Taj Mahal I always have an urge to touch it's tip. I am not sure if a helicopter can help me achieve that. How I wish I could fly like a bird! Oh God, please provide me wings just for a few minutes. You can take them away once I finish my long-last dream... please.. please...!

Friends, this post is written as a part of a prompt by Preeti Shenoy, the author of four best-sellers. I am happy to participate in the prompt for Wish list Wednesday number 6.

I wish I had one more chance to...

I wish I had one more chance to go back to my college days.

Yes, those were the days when I cared for nothing or nobody. Those were the days when I could do whatever I wanted to do - wake up late, watch a movie leisurely, go out cycling, chit-chat with friends, do creative stuff like painting, put on the music at full volume and dance.

I did not have to worry about my household chores. There was nobody to shout at me for petty things. There was no woman Hitler rolling over me. There was no need to put up with a toddler’s tantrums.

Alas! How I wish to turn back ten years and just relax in the warmth of my parents’ affection, refresh myself with the company of my beloved sisters, and enjoy myself (doing nothing useful, of course) with my friends.

-------------

Friends, this post was written as part of Preeti Shenoy's prompt for Wishlist Wednesday number 5.

Waiting to read her next book - The Secret Wish  List.