Confessions of a Mother

It’s been 20 days since the kids and in-laws have left for a trip. How do I feel?

For the past few years, I wondered if I would ever get a day without having to look at the clock, if I would ever be left alone at home at least for a day, or if I could skip cooking, cleaning, etc.

Finally, that period has came. I feel serenity, joy, and peace of mind in not having to attend to the daily chores. True that I still cook food, clean the house, etc., but I am not obliged to! The point is, I can choose not to! Or I can do it whenever I please.

You can call this mere laziness. The thing is – I still do all these things – on time! The mere thought that I need not do it right away gives me the energy to do it right away.

Read that again.

I still do all the work on time. But, since there’s no obligation for me to do the household chores, I do them with more energy.

And, anyways, cooking food for just me and my husband is like a cake walk – it’s like asking a 5^th grader to answer the question paper of a 1^st grader. I just need 30 minutes to 1 hour to wrap up all my household work – even without the maid.

I know I should be missing my kids now. But I am still unpardonably happy that they are away. You can call me a bad mother, but I feel all mothers deserve a breather like this. I feel blessed that I have one. I feel happier than I would be if I were on a vacation with my close friends because I also have a lot of time to focus on my office work, career, health, and fitness.

Are you guys with me?

A Reflection on Classic Literature

Reading classics is like falling in love.

The first couple of chapters are strange and hard to follow. After you get a hang of the writing style, you inch towards understanding the literature better. When you are not reading the book, you recollect some of the words, and are amazed at how well they were written. It is hard to say when exactly you have begun liking the book, and what exactly you like about the book.

By the time you finish the book, you are left with a peaceful and pleasant feeling. The characters in the book leave a mark in you – most of them are strong and influential.

Blessed are the souls who read classics. I wish I could meet the people behind these books.

P.S: I am currently reading Anna Karenina, written by Leo Tolstoy. It’s an 800-page book, and I am still in page 70. And, I am wondering when exactly I have fallen in love with the book. Now, I can’t think of anything other than the book.

How this single word kills our language

These days you hear this word very often. Youngsters find it so “kewl” to use it in their normal conversations. It’s used as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, and even an interjection! Guess what it is? Correct, it is the f-word.

Most people use it as an “amplifier”. For instance, if you want to say, “I was so shocked” with a lot of emphasis, you would say, “I was so f-word shocked!” Now, if your intention was to put emphasis on how shocked you were, you could use other words viz., devastated, flabbergasted, shaken, dumbfounded, etc.

By using the f-word, we are forgetting our vocabulary. We sound rude and indecent. So, let’s get rid of this offensive word, and respect the English language. 

A Punch on those Honkers

While riding to office today, I found this interesting message on a car:

A powerful message and a tight slap on all those who behave very desperate while on the road... 

Many times I tried to reason with them – why the hell do they honk? I racked up my brain and here are a few logical answers I could think of:

• These honkers assume that everyone else is asleep.
• They think that all the vehicles on the road will magically disappear if they honk.
• They believe that they are going to be the next Bill Gates who loses a billion dollars by losing a minute.

Oh wait! I guess the most logical reason could be that their house is on fire. But, I have a question: how many times should a person honk to cease the fire?

If you too are tired of these annoying, unwelcome, uncultured, uncivilized, brainless people, join the movement: http://www.iwonthonk.com/

Who Do You Love The Most?

 ‘Who do you love the most?’ asked Ria.

‘Huh? What do you mean? I love my parents, my hubby, my kids…’ Shree listed out, thinking aloud. After a while she came back to Ria’s question, and asked ‘Why do you ask that? Isn’t it the same for everyone? Who do you love the most, by the way?’

‘I love a special person. I’ll tell you who that is after a while. Coming to your answer, I sort of guessed your answer when I looked at you’, replied Ria.

Shree was surprised to hear that. Shree had joined a new company recently, and Ria was her colleague. They hardly knew each other’s personal lives.

Looking at the confused expression on Shree’s face, Ria began to explain: ‘Ok, let me tell you how I could figure out. You have been staying up till late in the night, perhaps to cater to your kids’ needs. The dark circles around your eyes suggest that.’

Shree sighed. ‘Ya, my kids go to bed only at midnight, and I am completely exhausted by that time.’

‘Yes, and that tells me that you put your kids’ needs, or in this case, their joys before your needs. Let me come to the next point. Your ID card displays a photo of yours that was clicked before your wedding, where you look chubby and cheerful. It is quite different from the face that I see now.  So, this might be because after your wedding you have totally dedicated yourself to your family and you rarely listen to your body’s needs. The scaly skin and the cracks in your feet also suggest the same – that you have put your household needs first. So, I have assumed that you love your family more than you love yourself.’

Shree is now looking at Ria as if she’s the Holmes of this generation. Ria smiled at Shree’s expression, and said, ‘It’s not so difficult to deduce these findings. Actually, I too was in a phase like yours. I always wanted to stay on top of my family’s needs. I wanted to become a super Mom. Slowly I realized that I set myself on a wild goose chase. I lost myself in the rat race. I then began listening to my heart. I provided my body with the most nutritious food, sound sleep, nourishment, and care. Surprisingly, my family needs have come down too. I have disciplined the kids to sleep on time. I encourage them to do their things themselves. And, you know what, kids love to manage their stuff themselves. Try and see for yourself. My hubby also gives me some me-time. And the best part is that I have begun re-uniting with my past friends. I also spend some time on my hobbies which I buried long back.’

‘Wow! That’s amazing!’

‘Thanks. My hubby is surprised to see the change in me. He tells me that I look and behave like a college girl now’, giggled Ria.

‘Really?’

‘Yes, do whatever you love to do, and you look and feel much younger. Do you now realize who I love the most?’ winked Ria, leaving Shree with a fresh wave of energy and determination.

The Household Rat Race

For people like me, office work is a welcome break from domestic issues, and home is a place to shake off the work pressure. The change in the kind of work, environment, and people gives us time to reflect upon ourselves. We do a lot of work at home and at office for everything to run smoothly. But there’s one question that always lingers in my mind: Why do most women feel dissatisfied with their work?

We have heard about the corporate rat race, but have you heard of the household rat race? Let me explain. Consider a typical Indian couple. Although both the man and the wife have corporate jobs outside the home, the wife takes care of 90% of the household work. The man completes the rest 10%. This is a typical scenario in most Indian families.

At the end of the day, this is what the man feels: “Wow! I help my wife so much with the household work. She’s lucky to have me. I never saw men contributing this much in these mundane tasks.”

And this is what the woman feels: “Oh God! I couldn't complete the 10% of the work that I am supposed to. Am I not lucky to have found a partner who really helps me? I wish I could manage everything on my own without depending on anybody.”

Do you see the difference?

That’s what is a household rat race. It is a common mistake to assume that all the household work is the responsibility of the woman of the house, and that she’s fortunate to get help. What we don’t realize is that household work is a shared responsibility of everyone in the house.

Why does this happen?

Because in India where Agriculture was the main occupation back in the old days, men toiled in the fields, and women managed the household, thus arriving at the norm. I read somewhere that in Sweden, both men and women had to share Agricultural work to provide for the family because Sweden was a poor country. That led to an equal sharing of work at home too.

Now that more women are entering the workforce, I hope that more families in India follow the Sweden way.

Writing Prompt 1

Friends, I am starting a blogathon now, which means I am gong to write an article a day. To help myself come up with interesting articles, I am picking up writing prompts from this website: http://creativewritingprompts.com/

Wish me all success, buddies!!

This is my first entry for the blogathon:

It is seen in most homes, restaurants, and offices. Although it's just a table with a few chairs, although it's primary purpose is to accommodate food items and cutlery, it is the hub for socializing.  It's the facilitator for interesting conversations. It sets the mood for a perfect date. It lets your friends or family open up their feelings, or share their experiences of the day, thus making them feel lighter. Candle light dinners, moonlight dinners, birthday parties, family get-togethers - you can never imagine any of these without this one. It sets the stage for a sumptuous luncheon. Has it ever occurred to you that a dining table plays such a major part in your life?

P.S: The writing prompt for this article is to close your eyes briefly and think of an object in the room, and write about it without looking at it. Please let me know how I have written.

My Dreamland!

For many years, I have been seeing this in my dreams. I guess I would see the same for the rest of my life. That's why I have put it down here in the form of a story with fictional characters:

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Sarat entered the gated community of the Dreamland Township in his Scorpio along with his wife, Keethi.  After filling up his few details in the register at the security desk, he was asked to park his car in the parking lot a few yards away from the gate. It was a tall building with several floors that already had many cars parked inside.

‘Where is the community office?’ enquired Sarat.

‘It’s 2km from here. The next bus arrives in 10min. You can wait at the bus stop or hire bicycles from there’, said the security guard pointing at a cycle shop nearby.

‘Isn’t it possible to take our vehicle?’ asked Sarat, wondering why on earth they had to take a bus or a bicycle.

‘No motor vehicles allowed inside the community, sir. All the cars and bikes have to be parked at the gate itself’, clarified the guard who was used to explaining this to the surprised visitors.

The couple waited at the bus stop and boarded the bus that arrived after 10min. The greenery, the serenity, the neatness, and the tranquility of the place amazed them. After a 5min ride, they got down at the community office. After stating their purpose of visit to the security guard, they learned that there were other families who had come for the same – that was to hire a flat in the community.

All the 50+ visitors were led to a small room in the building. After 2min a lady in her late twenties, named Sandhya, entered the room, and introduced herself as the proprietor of the community.  She was clad in a cotton sari, and looked decent and well educated.

‘Hello everyone, I am glad to see you all here. I believe you loved the place, and that’s why planned to stay here. Before you decide, I want to introduce you to a few rules and regulations we are ought to follow here’, Sandhya addressed the gathering in an authoritative, yet polite, voice.

‘We have 400 houses in this township spread across a land of 5sq.km. Every house is identical with a carpet area of 1400sq.ft, and is surrounded by a garden of 100sq.ft. Only 50% of the township is covered with living area, 30% with greenery, and the rest is for allied activities. The houses are leased out for tenure of 5 years. The pamphlet that was provided to you during your previous visit contains all the facilities available here.  

We have:

·         A medical center to cater to emergency cases or common ailments

·         A few medical stores

·         A water treatment unit that recycles water for gardening purposes

·         A paper recycling unit

·         Rain water harvesting units

·         A reputed school that takes in pupils from play school till PUC

·         A huge library where you can sell your old books and rent new ones

·         A swimming pool, a sports center, and a gym

·         Children’s play areas

·         Commercial centers to provide groceries, clothes, footwear, stationery, and what not!

·         Community halls to arrange for parties/functions

However, we are very strict in terms of maintaining the sanctity of this place. To do so, we need a little support from the residents. We expect you to adhere to these norms during your stay:

·         Absolutely NO vehicles inside the campus. All motor vehicles are to be parked in the parking lot near the main gate. Buses are available every 15min to take you to any place inside the campus. You might also use bicycles.

·         No littering or spitting allowed in the campus. Security guards are posted everywhere, and if they catch you, you will be fined as much as 1000Rs.

·         No plastic bags. If found carrying one, you will be fined 1000Rs.

·         Water meters are fitted to each house to check your water consumption’

 

There were murmurs among the visitors when they heard about the strange rules. One of them protested, ‘this place has abundant water. And you said you have set up rain water harvesting. Then why do we have a water meter?’ The others were keen to know the same.

Sandhya replied, ‘You are right. This place has abundant water. But, can you imagine what would happen after 10 years? Do you know that most drought areas in India were filled with abundant water a few decades back? If only the people were more conscious about how they utilized water, if only the educated ones started rain water harvesting, the areas might be in a better position now.’

The visitors nodded approvingly. Sandhya continued, ‘the best time to save our natural resources was 20 years back. The next best time is now’.  

Everyone applauded. Sandhya was pleased with herself for conveying the message very clearly. How I wish I were her!

 

 

 

 

I wish I could be like...

I wish I could be like my Aunt - very bold, mentally strong, courageous and ambitious.

She is my Mom's sister, and right from my childhood she has been much like my Mom.

She worked in a local newspaper agency as an accountant in her twenties. After marriage, she had to leave her career to move in with her husband. After a few years, she began pursuing her career. She helped her husband in his work too. Though she had no kids, she always found joy in spending time with the younger generation - me, my sisters, and my cousins. We loved her quick wit and humor that we always felt she was of our age. She was quite modern in her thinking.

There was one day that changed her life forever. That was six years back. Her husband, then 45, was diagnosed with cancer, and that too, at a very latter stage. They consulted the most famous doctors in India. He (my Uncle) underwent many chemotherapy and radiation treatments. For five years they spent 80 pecent of the days in hospitals. They were physically, mentally, and financially drained out. She moved heaven and earth to save him, but one day, his struggle came to an end. Yes, he passed away a few months back, leaving her alone.

I could see how heart broken she was. However, her misery, her loneliness after the tragedy did not make her weak. I was amazed at how she put a bold face upfront. Within a couple of months after his death, she found a new job. She buried herself in her work so as to keep herself busy all the time. She is in her late forties now.

I wish I had the courage that she had to overcome her fate. Despite all her suffering, she sought our help only when it was very much needed. She tried to manage most of the things on her own. One would never figure out that there is such a tragedy behind such an ever-smiling and enthusiastic person. Talking to her every now and then, dropping by whenever possible is our own little way to show that we are all with her. 

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Friends, this article is written as an answer to the prompt for 'Wish List Wednesday - Last One' posted by Preeti Shenoy, an author of some of the best-selling books in India.

I wish I could touch...

I wish I could touch the tip of the Taj Mahal!!

Yes, whenever I see the Taj Mahal I always have an urge to touch it's tip. I am not sure if a helicopter can help me achieve that. How I wish I could fly like a bird! Oh God, please provide me wings just for a few minutes. You can take them away once I finish my long-last dream... please.. please...!

Friends, this post is written as a part of a prompt by Preeti Shenoy, the author of four best-sellers. I am happy to participate in the prompt for Wish list Wednesday number 6.

Celebrating Womanhood

Being a woman is the most difficult thing in the world. Agreed.
Your parents expect you to behave well with everyone, your in-laws expect you
to manage the entire household all by yourself, your kids expect you to be very
sweet and give them a lot of time, attention, and patience, and tell them
stories, and your hubby expects you to always look pleasant and presentable.
Phew! Lots of expectations!
But there’s one positive side of being a woman. A woman can
pursue her dreams. This is because the primary responsibility of financing for
a household lies with the man. Woman merely acts as an additional supplier of
money in a family. While the man’s income is used to incur household expenses,
a woman’s income is used for investments, tours, travels, and luxuries. This is
the scenario with most of the middle class families.

Hence, a woman has a choice to make in her career. She need
not run after the jobs that guarantee a fixed monthly income. If her dream is
on the creative side, be it arts, literature, or social service, she can live
the dreams.

A note to all my friends and sisters out there – chase your
dreams, and let your hubby worry about financing the household. J

Just Chill!!!

When I read this saying long back at my best friend’s home –
‘The best thing about old friends is that they are always comfortable’, I did
not actually realize how true it is. It was only recently that I got the
essence of the saying. Whoever said it was surely a great person.

I was at one of my best friend’s home along with two other college
friends. It had been a long time since we all met. After a warm welcome from
them, we headed into the house, and lied down there for hours
together. We chit-chatted, laughed, ate, lied down, and chit-chatted again. The
room was not silent even for a split-second. No wonder time passed by in a
wink. We then decided to attack a shopping mall!! J

We took our own time to get ready and then set out lazily to
the Bangalore Central. We lost ourselves shopping for kurthas for our dear
friend. I was startled to notice the time, and so had to rush home. I bid
farewell to my buddies, and returned home.

Some of the best moments of life come without a notice, when
we are obsessed with our busy lives. These are moments that money can’t buy.

What does it take to experience such a delight? It requires
a strong bonding with your buddies, and a willingness to take out some time
from your mundane life. Next time you get a chance to spend time with your
besties, grab it! Or, better still, create one.